from the library :)

Assalamualaikum...

It's the first of December, and now it's the 3rd day of Muharram (I kinda like to keep track of Islamic calender which I don't really care before, but now I wish to keep track all of it).  Meanwhile my dad had celebrated his birthday on the 28th of November, and it was like usual. I love my parents, and I realize as the time goes by the relationship between us somehow part. I felt like I was responsible to bring the family closer together, as I am the eldest of four daughters in the family. Insyaallah, I will try my best to bring us closer together..

But then, life had it's own ups and downs. I remembered that I was once depressed and kept blaming the past for what had happened to me. It wasn't a good thing, blaming everything that happened in the past. At that time, I felt like I was lost. I was angry at everything, I lost my rationality to my family and hurt them.

I believe, no matter how far you've gone wrong in life, there will always be a way back regardless how bad or evil you are. I believe, we were given signs but it depends on us whether to realize or ignore it. It is everywhere, even in social network :p hehe.

So, I think I want to share a post that I've read somewhere....


My dear ALLAH when I loose hope, help me to remember that, YOUR love is greater than my disappointments & YOUR plans for my life are better than my dreams.

It maybe is simple, yet it can calm me when I'm involve in my own troubles. I don't know about others, but these types of words really brings me back to the ground. Awaken me back to reality, back to my responsibility in this world. Words alone cannot describe how I felt, and it will never be enough. I just hope and pray I can get more, these small and tiny bits of awareness so I'll be able to remind myself continuously.

Regards, Jamilah :]

move on J ;]

Assalamualaikum...

it's new year according to the Islamic calender, "Awal Muharram"... On this special moment, i found myself looking back towards what I have gone through, the mistakes I've made. I guess my biggest regrets is where I've hurt the feelings of those who truly loved me (my biggest sin), just because I was busy running around the world chasing the love that wasn't meant for me. I admit I was blind, my heart was filled with beautiful lies until I couldn't accept reality. I really regret, not by his presence but all the time that i had wasted in that relationship. They say, girls forgive but never forget. Well, I forgive but I will never forget my broken heart. Because of him, I find it hard to fall in love. After we broke up, I was really down to the ground, heart broken and did everything to get him back but it was no use.

I was just someone in his life, only "someone".

It took a long time until I can finally found my inner strength to move on. From there, I  realized that my heart, feelings, and soul wasn't to be given to anyone. The value of trust is way beyond the value of gold. In fact, my friend's quote kept flashing in my mind. Her quote "I'm not afraid of giving commitment, I'm just afraid committing to the wrong person" slaps my face over and over again.

hehehe...

I took 3 steps back, I calmed myself to not over react. Took a deep breath, exhale and forget (really? :p).

So, life is unpredictable. I realize since then I was given precious moments to fix what was wrong before. I cope back with those whom I've hurt, my family and friends and other things that I took for granted when I was with him. I keep motivating myself to be strong, upgrading my inner self to be more confident and see things in a much wider view. I appreciate my last year of studies, going through everything without looking back. I determined myself to be a new person...

As for "love", I've done my part of "perigi mencari timba"....Now, let me be discovered by the rightful "Him" according to time :)

regards,
Jamilah

note 2 self...

dear jamilah...

sok ada midterm, ok...  msh on9, ok... sdh senior, tapi perangai junior tetap ada ok... assignment sdh due seminggu yang lepas, ok.... br jak blk fieldwork 10 jam dlm bus tp msh xleh tdo, ok...

#sila jangan tido

#sila baca sejarah diplomasi, it's a good bedtime story...

#lepas abes midterm pelis la tukar tu jeans....hehehe <3

#jamilah, tetapkanlah azam baru...sempena maal hijrah ni, perbaiki diri k. xperlu lupakan benda-benda yang lepas, sebab itulah yang menjadikan sepa kamu sebenarnya :)

regards, jamilah